Time to update.

First, "Muhammad and Me" ended its run. It was funny, but limited and probably needed to go. After all, you don't want to piss off the entire Muslim world, although it is easy as fuck to do. Ask the Danes, if Denmark is still around. I haven't checked. Do they still brew Tuborg beer? It's the beer of kings, you know.

Next, I did not enter the writing contest. It's a thing they do in the OC Register. They publish an artsy-fartsy picture and have people write stories about the picture. Something I've done a million times with my students. It's good fun. This time, they had a picture of an old guy wearing a hard hat with goggles around the hat. He seems to be sitting in his garage and fiddling (I just used "fiddling" in my writing; I'm old now- it's official) with a tablet that has wires running from it. He's supposed to be an inventor of sorts. The guy's name is Wally and they say he's a part-time genius.

So, I had this great idea (seemed like it at the time) to write my story as if it was an e-mail from a brother to his sister telling her that the paper put a picture of "weird Uncle Wally" in the paper for some reason, and then go on to tell stories of spending the summer with Uncle Wally and Aunt Pearl. I was going to tell about how I was the unwitting guinea pig for most of his experiments and inventions including the "shocking Etch-a-Sketch" that delivered a minor jolt to the user once any shape was enclosed. I was also going to tell the story of how on every Halloween Uncle Wally, a 7th grade shop teacher at Louis Pasteur Jr. High in Pacoima, CA, would tell the class that they were going to build a real live female, then send some poor schmuck to find the janitor and ask for 50 ft. of Fallopian tubing so they could get the job done.

The story was going to be comic genius, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, I lost interest, became too busy with work, got bored, and figured it would have been too much for the conservative likes of the OC Register. So, I said, "Fuck it."

I was recently outraged at the state of South Dakota for outlawing all abortions. Not that I'm a big pro-choice or pro-life kind of guy. I think both sides need to check the reality of the situation and get families to prevent their daughters from fucking the first boy who says, "I love you." Teach them some self respect and self discipline and you'd lower the pregnancy and abortion rate. Also, if you actually made adoption a workable solution for some, you may get somewhere. But, when you outlaw abortion altogether, you solve nothing. Calling it "murder" and not even exempting victims of rape and incest is plain pigheaded. Doing it and saying "God has plan for this child" is even more outrageous and stupid. Did God plan for a 12 year old girl to get molested by her pervert uncle? Good one God. I'd have never thought of that one! God wanted you to get gang raped on the way home from your pilates class so you could have this child. Nevermind that the mere thought of the child will bring back horrific images and memories, it's the way He wanted it and your having this baby. Yay, God!!

Step back for a minute and think. Doesn't God have a better way of getting things done? He is God isn't he? Isn't he all powerful? So why would he fuck with anyone's life like that? I'll tell you why, because he doesn't. You're stupid for thinking so and God agrees with me. He told me so this morning by having the Virgin Mary appear in my cheese omelet. I swear. So, South Dakota, you just keep right on doing "God's Will" for him and you can go on being exactly what you are; a little shithole of a state that no one cares about and Indians won't use for their worst casinos. Bitches.

OK. I've said enough for now. If any of you are visiting from Dan's page, Hi. If you're not, Hi.
If your Dan, I've got to get back up to SF and see the rest of the good bars.

Going to the gym. . .again.