The Christian fish. We've all seen them. We know what they are and what they stand for. Heck, they just found one on the floor of an ancient prison in Isreal. It is one of the oldest symbols in the world and a way for Christians to identify one another anywhere in the world. It is also the international symbol of the worst fucking drivers ever to vex the roadways. That's right, God is your co-pilot and you are scaring the crap out of Him as you drive to church.

This all started out innocently enough, with Christians everywhere affixing plastic fishes to the backs of their Chevy Corsicas (you know the car I'm talking about; Katie Holmes drove one in Batman Begins) so everyone on the road could identify them, or at least their car, when the Rapture hit and their car, suddenly unmanned, swerved into a group of schoolchildren waiting for the bus to take them to their kindergarten class. Yeah, those fish. Soon, everyone was putting these things on their cars and no one was safe. Even the "borderline Christians" were under the mysterious spell of the fish. Fish everywhere, on every vehicle imaginable. It was like some sort of ichtiplague sweeping the vehicles of America.

Then the atheists got into the act and the Darwin fish, or are they salamanders, started appearing on beat up Sentras and Corollas. Quasi-intellectuals were slapping Darwins on their cars in defiance of their Christian oppressors and now the situation was way worse than before.

Where is this going? I'll tell you later. I have to go pick up my kid and watch some flag football.

Lucky me.