In defense of Dubya?

Well, in a word, yes. Or not. Maybe? You see, I can't stand the little fella. He stole an election; dodged military service in the worst way (c'mon, he used daddy's connections and was supposedly in the Texas Air National Guard. Who was attacking Texas during Vietnam anyway? Mexico? Does Mexico have an air force? ); was a cokehead; was a drunk; was the owner of the Texas Rangers (new record for futility by a baseball franchise); was asleep at the switch for 9/11 (waddaya mean there are terrorists in the U.S.? I thought they were all in Syria? and while I'm at it, do all Republicans still believe Clinton ordered strikes on terrorist targets in Afghanistan to make people forget about a stain on a blue dress and Whitewater? Please, people, don't believe the hype); has singlehandedly dumped our economy in the toilet; has singlehandedly (OK, he had help) ruined our foreign relations cred in Europe; believes that Iraq was a bigger threat to national security than North Fucking Korea (a country run by Dr. Evil for God's sake); lead a halfassed effort in Afghanistan (just like dear ol' dad); has the Devil himself as a VP (Cheney could be a Sith Lord, but Devil is just as likely); wants a constitutional amendment to prevent gays from marrying (yeah, there's a pressing need); can't find a suitable supreme court justice (it's like watching a soap opera. . . a bad soap opera); and now the big Cheney/Rowe/Libby debacle. There's probably more, but seeing as I haven't seen Farenheit 9/11, I'm out of ideas at the moment.

Yeah, I'm not exactly a "Bush Backer." Thing is, I love my country. I'm thankful for every day I live here. I'm thankful for the fact that my parents didn't live in Mexico when I was born. I'm thankful I live in a country where free speech, free press, free religion, free assembly, free love. . .scratch that one. . . and free guns are valued pieces in a way of life. I love th fact that our founding fathers, although a bunch of slave owners and FreeMasons, were smart enough to establish a representative democracy and not a new kingdom. Yes, I can work, play, watch football, drink, gamble, and look at naked boobies on the internet all because I'm a goddamned 'Merican. yeeha!

So, this is why I'm pulling for the Chief Executive in his latest little debacle. I'm speaking of the Cheney/Rowe/Libby mess going on under his nose and on his watch. You see, the Devil, let's call him Dick Cheney, has one of his minions, Scooter Libby (love the name, shoulda been a baseball player: "Now batting; number 27; shortstop; Scooooter Liiiiibbbby!) leak the name of a CIA operative to the press, thus endangering said operative and sending a bold message to her husband who happens to be tearing the lid off of Cheney's rationale for attacking Iraq; namely, the fact (?) that Niger (silly schoolboy giggle) was selling weapons grade uranium to Iraq so they could make their nasty WMD's. Now Karl Rove's involvement in the whole thing is a little fuzzy as he's barely mentioned in the indictments. What's also unclear is whether Cheney was involved and if he was, to what extent. What's clear? Scooter Libby is a total prick. OK, newspaper guy is going to Niger to invesitigate the intelligence reports of uranium sales. OK, his wife was being asked to go with him. Scooter doesn't like the sounds of this, so he casually "leaks" the real identity of the CIA operative, thus putting her life in immediate peril. Nice. Maybe "prick" is too nice. Total, flamming, hemorrhoidal asshole could be better. Penis hole dweller? I know this is the "Reader's Digest" version of the story, but you get my drift. Seems like a petty little action with possibly deadly consequences.

So, what's this got to do with George's son, George? Plenty. Being the man in charge he's ultimately responsible for what goes on in his administration. Don't think that's true? As Ken Lay if he got to use the "it's not my fault, I didn't know what was going on when all those bad men were doing all those bad things" defense. I believe you can e-mail him in federal prison. So, being in the location of all buck stopping, ie; the Oval Office, President Bush must take swift and decicive action in this case. Use the full force of the Justice Department to squish Scooter Libby like the cockroach he is (emphasis on the cock). Fire Cheney for being a lousy VP and one evil sonofabitch. He lied to the president; he lied to the nation; he had a guy named Scooter as his chief of staff. Fire his ass now. Karl Rove? Here's what you say Mr. President, "Haven't seen him for days. I heard he was going on a vacation to Costa Rica. During hurricane season. To be with his wife, no mistress, no wife. Yeah, his wife. That's the ticket!" When Rove never returns, who's going to miss him? Certainly not his wife. Not the American people. Not even you, because this human boil on the backside of the presidency has done the decent thing and disappeared. Things would smell better instantly.

Next, after you have cut out the cancer that is the Cheney vice presidency (emphasis on vice), develop an exit strategy for Iraq; fix the economy; get someone who's not to the right of Hitler appointed as a supreme court justice; play nicey-nice with the Euros for a while and remind them who bailed out their sorry asses in WWI and WWII; get the Isrealis back in our corner (why you didn't do this earlier is beyond me) because they know more about the terrorists than we'll ever know. Besides, the terrorists fear the Israelis, I think. Well, the Palestenians don't, but they're crazy fuckers (just kidding all my Palestenian friends!! Good job with the whole Gaza thing) In other words, get my country back to being the best goddamn country on the planet instead of the biggest laughingstock. Oh, and another thing: don't turn your back on China. They're getting damn good at buying things over here and no one is noticing. They want to make us an economic colony of theirs. Get them in check now. I'm being paranoid. . .maybe not.

So, Mr. President, Dubya, George W., Little George; let's get with the program and make things right. Oh, one last thing: Lay off the gays, dude. Really, who gives a rat's ass if they want to marry. Two guys getting married will not destroy my marriage. Going on a drunken bender in a strip club will, but not the gays getting married.

Got to go take a CPR class.