Life is funny.

Really, no bullshit. Life is a fucking hilarious trip through the fun house.

Let me explain.

You buy a 12 pack of soda, say Mountain Dew Diet Code Red (completely random association with this thought. . .yeah). You open said 12 pack only to find it contains 11 full cans of soda, not 12. What the fuck? See, one of the cans is empty, albeit, sealed. What do you do? You sure as hell don't drink it. Could have a syringe just waiting to stick you in the tongue (brings back a funny story about the first of many hoax claims of tainted Diet Pepsi from about 5 years ago; the first person said she knew something was wrong when she took a sip and felt a prick in her mouth. She got nothing, and liked it) hidden in the can. So, you save it.

Great, next you go to the website for the maker of the product, say www.pepsiworld.com, for example and look for the ubiquitous "contact us" button. Only thing is, it's not there. So, you go to the parent company's site, say www.pepsico.com, looking for a contact button. Lo and behold, thar she blows! You follow the link and, wouldn't you know it, it takes you back to pepsiworld.com. Pretty fucking funny. Bastards.

So, you futz around the pepsiworld.com area for a while looking for a hidden link, only it isn't there. What is there is a link to "Ask Lisa," Pepsi's "virtual customer service representative." This little bitch asks you to type in a brief question about Pepsi products so she can spit out the pre-written, company-friendly answer. Perfect. OK, Lisa, here goes: What do I do with an empty can of Mountain Dew Diet Code Red? Hmmm? Lisa's answer: I'm not sure what you're asking, but here's a list of topics your search brought out. Funny thing is, you can't see them because the window won't expand to reveal them. That's right, it's a pop-up and it stays small.

I'm losing my fucking mind with this hilarity.

So, here I am with an empty can of soda I would dearly love to send back to Pepsi, or Pepsiworld (wherever that shithole is) so they can take their empty soda can and promptly shove it up their corporate ass.

That and they can show us Lisa's tits as a consolation.

Fuck corporate America, before it's too late.